#BeBetter at Making Conversation
Social gatherings can be a source of loads of pre-event nervousness, so today we’re looking at ways to #BeBetter at attending (and enjoying) these shindigs. In a crowd of people you don’t know, it can be tough to get started navigating the room, so we’ve got some tips to help you get off on the right foot.
1) First Impressions Count.
The funny thing about being nervous is that it’s contagious. People can unconsciously pick up on your discomfort, and though they may not be able to put their finger on it, conversing with someone who’s jittery and anxious can become uncomfortable for all parties involved. So, as they say, “fake it till you make it” and do your best to cast an aura of confidence. Stand up straight, don’t fidget and fiddle with your hair or clothes (it always helps to have clothes fit great), look people in the eye, make eye contact, and smile often. (Practice in the mirror to find the balance between friendly and psychotic smiling.)
2) Make Small Talk.
Unless you’re at a function with people you know really well, small talk is the foundation for deeper conversation. Depending on the person you’re conversing with, this can be a challenge, because you’re basically fishing for some common ground that you can use as an entry point to real conversation. Don’t let this discourage you. In your mind, treat it as a game of 20 questions and keep bringing up new topics until you hit on something that the person you’re talking to really seems to enjoy discussing.
3) Listen.
Once you find a topic the other person enjoys, something magical happens. Essentially, they probably won’t stop talking. Here’s the tricky part—you may feel tempted interject your own important thoughts and ideas, but it’s a good idea in the beginning to simply listen. You can jump in when the other person pauses to give you a chance to talk, but it’s important to not interrupt them mid-sentence, because this can damage the rapport you’re starting to build with them.
4) Be considerate.
When you finally get your chance to talk, remember how it felt to hold in your thoughts and ideas while you were waiting for the other person to take a breath? Yeah…don’t do that to them. Give them frequent opportunities to get back in the dialogue by stopping now and then to ask their opinion, or simply take a breath and let them jump in and say something.
5) Help others.
Ever experienced this scenario? You’re having a fantastic conversation with one or two people, and someone wanders over and unceremoniously jumps in an disrupts the flow? Here’s a secret: 9 times out of 10, that person is feeling awkward and desperately looking for somewhere to fit in.
So help them out. Be gracious, and include them in the conversation. Quickly give them a synopsis of where you are in the conversation and then offer them a way to get their foot in the conversational door — e.g., “We were just discussing our favorite childhood vacation memories. What’s yours?” Drawing the other person in will smooth things over quickly, and handling it so well will up your charm factor with all other parties involved.
6) Make the rounds.
It sounds like a cheesy thing to do, but you want to repeat this process as many times as you can during the course of the event. Not only will this improve your conversational skills, but meeting more people means that next time, you may be able to jump right in to real conversation and skip the small talk, by picking up where you left off. In other words, making the rounds will make things easier next time around. So don’t get too comfortable in one conversation (and by all means, don’t be rude), but gently extricate yourself from the conversation by saying something like, “Hey, I don’t want to take up all of your time, and I need to say hi to everyone, but we’ll definitely talk more later.” Doing this gives you the opportunity to move around without making your conversational partner feel slighted, and it builds a foundation for conversation the next time you meet.
No one becomes a conversation expert overnight, so cut yourself some slack and keep going, even if you get flustered, or feel completely hopeless from time to time. Like we’ve said, #BeBetter isn’t accomplished in one fell swoop—it takes and time and repetition. Give these ideas a try the next time you attend a party—whether it’s an intimate gathering or a big networking soiree, and you’ll find yourself on the road to #BeBetter at making conversation.
Men Conversing in Style
The Sartorialist: Lunch for 25 from The Sartorialist on Vimeo.
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